thinking about her (that scene where gansey sees a wasp in monmouth and is paralyzed pondering death right in front of him, and then ronan comes in and quickly kills the wasp and is like gansey what the hell man shaking him out of the stupor and momentarily, his obsession with death, which actually parallels what gansey is to ronan)
when sartre said “hell is other people” he failed to mention that heaven is also other people
Sartre said in 1971, “But that’s only that side of the coin. The other side, which no one seems to mention, is also ‘Heaven is each other.’ … Hell is separateness, uncommunicability, self-centeredness, lust for power, for riches, for fame. Heaven, on the other hand, is very simple—and very hard: caring about your fellow beings.”
Just thinking about how Persephone tells Adam that everything he struggled his entire life to access—money, things, the approval and respect of others—does not matter. That Adam’s power comes only from himself. Adam, who grew up in a shitty situation with shitty parents, and has had no choice but to struggle and work and claw for what he deserves, does not need anything else to give him power. He must decide for himself that he is the magician. His connections to people who love him and his own agency are what makes Adam powerful. Not other people. Not things. Persephone tells him that his power it cannot be given to him or taken from him. It is his.
thinking about that scene in trb where adam comes out of ninos and he’s got a silly spongebob ball that he bounces on the ground and then steps out just in time to catch it in his hand again. when he’s sitting at foxway gently examining each and every tarot card. how his eyes flick to gansey as he says “i don’t have a brother ma'am”. how he locks eyes with ronan over his locker and says “with a dreamer”. how he plays ronan’s loud electronica for him at cabeswater. how he casually tells a man at the gas station his mama didn’t teach him how to speak to women. how he gives blue a little show and tell of gansey’s random artifacts. how he would let ronan come and sleep on the floor of his crappy apartment. how gansey picked him up from work and his overalls were rolled down to his waist. how he gave opal his watch. how he looked at ronan witheringly and told him to go do his homework. how he just went and peed in the fields by cabeswater. how he was flattered that gansey’s sister found him attractive. how he sent blue flowers. how he looked at gansey and mouthed “yee haw” and they both laughed. how he messed about with ronan so often they had a whole grade system for parking lots, how he got embarrassed and shy when blue and noah found the silly mixtape ronan left for him. him riding his bike. him driving his little hand me down car. him cutting his own hair in choppy uneven mess. how he slept through his bday (my sweet little summer child) woke up downed some juice and went to go do some freak nature magic shit. how he dresses so dark academia with a tweed vest and rolled shirt sleeves when he gets to college. how he holds the back of ronan’s head when he hugs him. how he rides a motorbike !!!!! how he tells declan he’s done with ronan then comes back a few hours later with chainsaw in his hands. how he collects crying rich kids at college. how he does fake tarot card readings when he could do real ones (and then some) if he really wanted to. how he gets engaged before he gets his degree. how he finds his home is a person not a place. how he spends his teen years thinking he’s unknowable only to find the love of his life and makes tamquam alter idem their i love you
